I dislike calling myself a feminist, though I do so for simplicity's sake. I agree with a lot of what feminism stands for, however what I don't agree with I really don't agree with. And it's what gets me in trouble with other feminists.
See, I believe that there is a whole subsection of feminism (and society in general) that fosters a certain victim mentality. It's kind of what the Republicans talk about when they talkabout how liberals encourage a victim society, except I don't think people are actively encouraging it. I think it happens because people try to do good, and the road to hell being paved with good intentions, it kind of got out of hand.
Now don't get me wrong, I am not some upper crust white guy (heh) bitching about the poor brown people who live on welfare. That isn't my beef, mainly because that's a bit out of my experience. I grew up poor in a bad home, had a crappy adolecence, got past it all, and am slowly getting past all that various shit in order to make my life better.
No, my beef here is the fact that feminists rarely allow women to move past victimization. In a strange way, it because how they are identified, it objectifies them the way women were objectified before by men. We're just being objectified by ourselves.
I was an abused woman. That is not who I am now. I was a victim, I am not one now. I hate being termed as a victim of anything, because it implies it is on going. I am also not a survivor because that imples that I lived through something much greater than my experience. I am simply me, what happened is a part of that, not the sum of the whole. I was abused by more than one person, in more than one part of my life. I didn't learn to go past it because I didn't learn that I was anything but that victim. No one told me I could be anything other than a victim because that's what you're called. You're a victim. It's degrading. And while some people are fine with being called that I hope other's aren't.
Feminism labels women who have lived through sexual assaults and domestic violence even as they seek to end the sources of our pain. It's a strange dicotomy. Do I want people to never be treated the way I was? Dear god of course I do! Do I wish to help the women who lived through it? Yes, more than anything. I feel their pain. Do I call them victims? No, victims are just that. If it were me I would put every woman in intensive therapy to reclaim themselves and banish the word victim from everyone's lips. Survivor too. I would ask these women to realize that this is not who they are now, but it helped them to where they are, and I that they should realize that what happened isn't the sum of their own self.
Of course this is intensely unpopular, and at times has been called selfish, cold, and many other things that boil down to "You don't understand what it's like to live throught something like this" (again with the heh. Trust me people, I know. Cycle of violence? Yeah baby). But there it is. No more victims, and as long as feminism creates a space where it is alright to allow women to be victimized again and again by the people trying to help them I will not feel comfortable calling myself a feminist. It's not right.
Tuesday, March 31, 2009
Classic lit with zombies
I saw this on the news last night and was enchanted! Finally, a Jane Austin novel I could possibly sit through. Pride and Prejudice and Zombies. Lovely.
I wish
Yesterday my brother informed me he wanted to kill Glen Beck.
Don't I wish.
My brother is given to blurting random peices of info out at odd times. Like how he declares, "Sometimes I like a good potato."
Don't I wish.
My brother is given to blurting random peices of info out at odd times. Like how he declares, "Sometimes I like a good potato."
Monday, March 30, 2009
How about that
Oh, I figured out who the mystery guy in my dream was. Came to me like a blot out of the blue. My subconcious must have been thinking on that one for a while. Maybe I'll email him.
Storytellers
Occassionally I like to write, just to write. So occassionally there will be a post like the one below. They will serve no real purpose other than to tell a small story about me. Just a bit of feeding the ego.
Let It Be
Late spring/early summer is a really hard time for me, because both my grandparents died a few years ago in the late spring/early summer.
The details of it, of course, are mundane. People die every day. She had cancer and he died of a broken heart. Just like a million other couples who have been married forever. It was the second marriage for both of them, and they were truely in love until the day she died.
I was heart-broken. However, I weas living with my mother at the time, and if I took it badly, Mom took it 1000 times worse. Of course, they were her parents, and she had many unresolved issues there. They died before she could address them, I think. So instead of properly dealing with my own crap, I simply tried as hard as I could to help her, and continue to keep a normal household going for the kid.
So about a year later I was driving home from taking the kid to see her dad. I was tired and stressed out, seeing the ex was always stressful. At about this point he was starting to see his current chicka, though I didn't know that then. I had sued him for child support, which was a huge act of courage for me, he had told me that he would disappear if I tried to get child support through the courts. Things were strained to a breaking point, though they wouldn't break for another year and a half.
I was in the car, driving my hour and a half drive back home, skipping tracks on my Beatles CD, when I hit the song Let It Be.
I had never really liked Let It Be. Kind of mawkish, and used as a Christian song, so I rarely listened to it. Occassionally I try to remember what I felt when I sat through the song that evening. I know I thought of my grandmother, who once had asked me to forgive my mother for her inattention while I was growing up, telling me, "Brady's always love their boys more, the girls just have to be stronger." I remembered my grandfather, the only man in my world who have unconditional love. I also remember stopping the car to cry for the first time since the funerals.
I still listen to the song sometimes, when I'm tired and upset and want to feel close to them. For whatever reason that song is the song that makes that happen. I don't know why my brain decided to associate my grandparents with one of the few Beatles song i didn't like, but there you go. It did.
This weekend, on the way home from picking up the kid from visiting her father, after almost hitting a vulture which was really bizarre, I popped in a Beatles CD and played Let It Be. After the song was over the kid told me, "Mommy, I like that song."
And for the first time I said, "I like it too."
The details of it, of course, are mundane. People die every day. She had cancer and he died of a broken heart. Just like a million other couples who have been married forever. It was the second marriage for both of them, and they were truely in love until the day she died.
I was heart-broken. However, I weas living with my mother at the time, and if I took it badly, Mom took it 1000 times worse. Of course, they were her parents, and she had many unresolved issues there. They died before she could address them, I think. So instead of properly dealing with my own crap, I simply tried as hard as I could to help her, and continue to keep a normal household going for the kid.
So about a year later I was driving home from taking the kid to see her dad. I was tired and stressed out, seeing the ex was always stressful. At about this point he was starting to see his current chicka, though I didn't know that then. I had sued him for child support, which was a huge act of courage for me, he had told me that he would disappear if I tried to get child support through the courts. Things were strained to a breaking point, though they wouldn't break for another year and a half.
I was in the car, driving my hour and a half drive back home, skipping tracks on my Beatles CD, when I hit the song Let It Be.
I had never really liked Let It Be. Kind of mawkish, and used as a Christian song, so I rarely listened to it. Occassionally I try to remember what I felt when I sat through the song that evening. I know I thought of my grandmother, who once had asked me to forgive my mother for her inattention while I was growing up, telling me, "Brady's always love their boys more, the girls just have to be stronger." I remembered my grandfather, the only man in my world who have unconditional love. I also remember stopping the car to cry for the first time since the funerals.
I still listen to the song sometimes, when I'm tired and upset and want to feel close to them. For whatever reason that song is the song that makes that happen. I don't know why my brain decided to associate my grandparents with one of the few Beatles song i didn't like, but there you go. It did.
This weekend, on the way home from picking up the kid from visiting her father, after almost hitting a vulture which was really bizarre, I popped in a Beatles CD and played Let It Be. After the song was over the kid told me, "Mommy, I like that song."
And for the first time I said, "I like it too."
Neat!
My brother has been eagerly awaiting the first thunderstorm for the season. They don't have them in So Cal, so he has missed them.
Last night we had one.
Well, we had a massive hail storm. But there was thunder and lightning. Quarter-sized hail. Damndest thing.
So there you go, he got his storm.
Last night we had one.
Well, we had a massive hail storm. But there was thunder and lightning. Quarter-sized hail. Damndest thing.
So there you go, he got his storm.
Friday, March 27, 2009
And almostly completely off topic...
I must recommend Frodology.
It's a very funny religious satire blog. Go make with the clicky.
It's a very funny religious satire blog. Go make with the clicky.
How do you show you love someone?
Oddly enough, dear old Ray Comfort inspired this post, in what I'm sure was a throw away comment for him (after all, it didn't insult anyone).
How do you show you love someone?
I know what he meant, love of Christ, blah blah blah. Not to be harsh here, but we've all heard it all before from some well-meaning but really freaking pushy Christian. Is that love? To irritate me to death? I guess I'd find out in a hurry the truth about the afterlife. Is that how you show love?
I'm Irish. After talking to other Irish people I have found that no matter what religion we happen to be, we apparently share some kind of bizarre cultural memory that causes us to do the same things until the bloodline gets diluted. There used to be an Irish newspaper puplished in Philly, and one of the articles was about how Irish people acted. How do we act? We come off standoffish sometimes. Funny, but sort of distant. We joke instead of crying (you know, that whole Irish wake thing. Everyone gets drunk because that's how you mourn). We joke instead of a lot of things. We're survivors after all, we do what needs to be done, and sometimes I think that "man up" is the perfect term for us. That's what we do. We "man up".
So showing love is kind of weird for an Irish woman like me. Especially the kind of love that dear ol Ray here is talking about. He's look at me and probably say I'm a terrible person. I don't talk to people in real life about faith or the state of their life (unless I've known you for a very very long time, then you're family and then I intrude). I do good things, but privately. I still work with Habitat for Humanity, though I can't do onsite stuff my home is alway open for people to tour, and I'm always available for people to talk to about the process. I give to the SPCA and ton of other places. I rarely give my name, why should I? I'm helping because it's the right thing to do. Who cares what my name is?
It seems Ray might. I would bet that any good thing Ray does he does because he will be noticed. OK, I realize I'm going out on a limb here assuming that he even does good things. But I think we can all agree whatever he does is enblazoned with hs name. He proclaims his beliefs from the mountaintop, which is all well and good, but a tad annoying, yes? He shows his love for his fellow man in a terribly annoying fashion that, if the comments on his web site offer any kind of clue here, turn more people off than anything else.
So what works? Well, here we come back to to the old works/words argument. And at times I think it's the crux of the belief for many people. Why do good works in private when you can use loud words and be noticed? And so many people need to be noticed. These people crave attention the way people like me crave privacy. I don't want to be noticed, I want to help. They don't want to help, they want to be noticed.
Of course this isn't every person of faith. Obviously. I'm a person of faith. Lots of us would rather just go along spreading a tiny bit of happiness (my greatest joy in real life is seeing someone made a tiny bit happier because of something I did, even if they don't know it. I can be a bitch, but I'll also try to make you smile). But because we have only just started finding a voice here on the intertubes a lot of people never heard from us. They only heard from the words folks, and boy are they giving the wrong idea of what faith is. They have it all confused with religion, and they muddy the water with bizarre terminology. It's all wrong, and it is NOT how you show your love for anyone.
Love people by helping them in a way they need. Don't try to convert them. They don't need that. They need a hot meal. They need a warm bed, so give to a shelter or volunteer there. Pets that hae been abandoned need a home, so adopt at the SPCA. The earth needs us to stop killing it, so drive less. Do little things, but it makes a difference. It sounds so damn cheeseball, but it does help. And the awesome thing is, you don't have to have religion to do it! Yay! Everyone can get in on this one! How about that, Ray. Everyone can help everyone else, and they don't need God to tell them to do it. They do love someone. Everyone does, and they show it in real ways.
So Ray? Please do me a favor and shut it. I'll let you babble on about your insane religion (and I know from insane religions), your retarded science (sorry again about being harsh, but come on) but don't touch on real stuff that shows just how out of your depth you are when it comes to understanding fundamental humanity. Seriosuly, are you alien? Because you just don't get it.
Move on Ray, give it up. No one needs your love.
How do you show you love someone?
I know what he meant, love of Christ, blah blah blah. Not to be harsh here, but we've all heard it all before from some well-meaning but really freaking pushy Christian. Is that love? To irritate me to death? I guess I'd find out in a hurry the truth about the afterlife. Is that how you show love?
I'm Irish. After talking to other Irish people I have found that no matter what religion we happen to be, we apparently share some kind of bizarre cultural memory that causes us to do the same things until the bloodline gets diluted. There used to be an Irish newspaper puplished in Philly, and one of the articles was about how Irish people acted. How do we act? We come off standoffish sometimes. Funny, but sort of distant. We joke instead of crying (you know, that whole Irish wake thing. Everyone gets drunk because that's how you mourn). We joke instead of a lot of things. We're survivors after all, we do what needs to be done, and sometimes I think that "man up" is the perfect term for us. That's what we do. We "man up".
So showing love is kind of weird for an Irish woman like me. Especially the kind of love that dear ol Ray here is talking about. He's look at me and probably say I'm a terrible person. I don't talk to people in real life about faith or the state of their life (unless I've known you for a very very long time, then you're family and then I intrude). I do good things, but privately. I still work with Habitat for Humanity, though I can't do onsite stuff my home is alway open for people to tour, and I'm always available for people to talk to about the process. I give to the SPCA and ton of other places. I rarely give my name, why should I? I'm helping because it's the right thing to do. Who cares what my name is?
It seems Ray might. I would bet that any good thing Ray does he does because he will be noticed. OK, I realize I'm going out on a limb here assuming that he even does good things. But I think we can all agree whatever he does is enblazoned with hs name. He proclaims his beliefs from the mountaintop, which is all well and good, but a tad annoying, yes? He shows his love for his fellow man in a terribly annoying fashion that, if the comments on his web site offer any kind of clue here, turn more people off than anything else.
So what works? Well, here we come back to to the old works/words argument. And at times I think it's the crux of the belief for many people. Why do good works in private when you can use loud words and be noticed? And so many people need to be noticed. These people crave attention the way people like me crave privacy. I don't want to be noticed, I want to help. They don't want to help, they want to be noticed.
Of course this isn't every person of faith. Obviously. I'm a person of faith. Lots of us would rather just go along spreading a tiny bit of happiness (my greatest joy in real life is seeing someone made a tiny bit happier because of something I did, even if they don't know it. I can be a bitch, but I'll also try to make you smile). But because we have only just started finding a voice here on the intertubes a lot of people never heard from us. They only heard from the words folks, and boy are they giving the wrong idea of what faith is. They have it all confused with religion, and they muddy the water with bizarre terminology. It's all wrong, and it is NOT how you show your love for anyone.
Love people by helping them in a way they need. Don't try to convert them. They don't need that. They need a hot meal. They need a warm bed, so give to a shelter or volunteer there. Pets that hae been abandoned need a home, so adopt at the SPCA. The earth needs us to stop killing it, so drive less. Do little things, but it makes a difference. It sounds so damn cheeseball, but it does help. And the awesome thing is, you don't have to have religion to do it! Yay! Everyone can get in on this one! How about that, Ray. Everyone can help everyone else, and they don't need God to tell them to do it. They do love someone. Everyone does, and they show it in real ways.
So Ray? Please do me a favor and shut it. I'll let you babble on about your insane religion (and I know from insane religions), your retarded science (sorry again about being harsh, but come on) but don't touch on real stuff that shows just how out of your depth you are when it comes to understanding fundamental humanity. Seriosuly, are you alien? Because you just don't get it.
Move on Ray, give it up. No one needs your love.
And speaking of weirdness
What was one of the top searches that brought readers to my blog?
What does a dog tea-bagging a cat mean?
Whoever you guys are who are reading this blog, I do so love what is bringing you here.
(the top search was paganism, which is also cool!)
What does a dog tea-bagging a cat mean?
Whoever you guys are who are reading this blog, I do so love what is bringing you here.
(the top search was paganism, which is also cool!)
Dreams
Sometimes I have the strangest dreams, and because I figure if you're reading this you've gotten used to my usual level of weirdness, I'll wow you with my subconscious' weirdness...
So I was on a playground with the kid. And I fall and bang the crap out of my knee. I mean, cut it open, blood, the whole nine yards. Mom comes over and tells me I need to have surgery because I hurt it much more than I realized. I start to freak out, because I realize they mean to do the surgery right there on the playground. I don't want that! I tell Mom that I'll just get a knee brace and it will be fine, and get up and try to walk away. I get as far as a fence when I realize that I can't walk any further and that my ex husband is there. I also realize that I'm being followed by the man who is going to do the surgery. He's cute! And I know him, but in that way you know people in dreams. I sit down, and he comes over and sits down with me, and it's cool because we're friends and all. And he asks me if I trust him enough to do the surgery. I am hyper aware of my ex husband watching us, and I'm starting to get really self concious, but I tell him I do trust him, but I'm scared. He assures me that is OK, and then turns to get his instruments.
Which is when I actually woke myself up I was so scared.
Which is weird, because I've been through surgery, twice now. I'm not scared of it.
Got only knows what my subconscious was up to.
So I was on a playground with the kid. And I fall and bang the crap out of my knee. I mean, cut it open, blood, the whole nine yards. Mom comes over and tells me I need to have surgery because I hurt it much more than I realized. I start to freak out, because I realize they mean to do the surgery right there on the playground. I don't want that! I tell Mom that I'll just get a knee brace and it will be fine, and get up and try to walk away. I get as far as a fence when I realize that I can't walk any further and that my ex husband is there. I also realize that I'm being followed by the man who is going to do the surgery. He's cute! And I know him, but in that way you know people in dreams. I sit down, and he comes over and sits down with me, and it's cool because we're friends and all. And he asks me if I trust him enough to do the surgery. I am hyper aware of my ex husband watching us, and I'm starting to get really self concious, but I tell him I do trust him, but I'm scared. He assures me that is OK, and then turns to get his instruments.
Which is when I actually woke myself up I was so scared.
Which is weird, because I've been through surgery, twice now. I'm not scared of it.
Got only knows what my subconscious was up to.
Yeah, I'm a geek
I've added to my blog roll again, and if you direct your attention over there Wil Wheaton's blog has now joined it's ranks. I had such a crush on him when I was younger. Heck, I kind of still do. Got to love a guy with a brain.
I heard this morning that Sarah Palin is meeting with some Scientologist. I cannot stress how strongly I agree with this new course of action. Please Sarah! Join Scientology! That would be a choice made of win!
I heard this morning that Sarah Palin is meeting with some Scientologist. I cannot stress how strongly I agree with this new course of action. Please Sarah! Join Scientology! That would be a choice made of win!
Thursday, March 26, 2009
She back! Yay!!
I love Sarah Palin! Because when I'm starting to feel really crappy I read something that she's done and can say, "Hey! At least I'm not that dumb!"
Like this, for instance. Really sweetie? You keep trotting out the whole "blame the media" thing and it keeps dying. No one really believes that the media was what killed your hopes of vice presidency. Sweetie, it was all you.
But I love you anyway, because you and your gosh-darn red neck ways make me feel so much better about myself.
Like this, for instance. Really sweetie? You keep trotting out the whole "blame the media" thing and it keeps dying. No one really believes that the media was what killed your hopes of vice presidency. Sweetie, it was all you.
But I love you anyway, because you and your gosh-darn red neck ways make me feel so much better about myself.
Lost Blogging
Oh Ben. Even knowing that one was coming made it no easier. I love that this show will show you the awful life he led, and how he got to where he is (you know, how he got to be Ben) and yet still allow him to not use that as a fall back ("But my father abused me". No he's more of, "So what?") But watching that episode was rough, knowing what Sayid had decided, and then watching it. It doesn't make it easier to know that Sayid felt bad about it too.
However, it would explain why Ben was just so eager to use Sayid, huh?
And boy is Richard (who apparently will be in every episode after this one) going to be very very mad. I don't think he likes it when people fuck with his new leaders. Just ask Ben. Heh.
However, it would explain why Ben was just so eager to use Sayid, huh?
And boy is Richard (who apparently will be in every episode after this one) going to be very very mad. I don't think he likes it when people fuck with his new leaders. Just ask Ben. Heh.
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
Self indulgent crap...
Please excuse this small rant, but man, I really would love to get this off my chest...
The week before the ex has the kid is really kind of hard for me. I worry about my little one.
You see, the ex spent most of the time that we were together telling me about how he was bi-polar, had depression, had this problem, that problem, anger problems (and one hell of an attitude problem which seems to be the one actual problem he has). I worry that something will happen to her. Not that he'll hurt her on purpose, but that he'll just stop watching her. Every time he has her I wait all day for the phone call where he tells me she's been hit by a car, or ate soy, or had some kind of accident through inattention, and she's in the hospital or dead. Every time he drops her off he complains to me how tired he is from keeping up with her, how hard it is. She's four! Of course t's hard. If only I had her energy.
Maybe he's having second thoughts now that he's expected to watch her himself. Maybe he's realized that when I brought her down before I watched her and he socialized and played dad when it suited him. I don't know.
All I know is I dread Saturdays. And when he starts taking her overnight I may have some kind of real breakdown.
Right, done now. Move along...
The week before the ex has the kid is really kind of hard for me. I worry about my little one.
You see, the ex spent most of the time that we were together telling me about how he was bi-polar, had depression, had this problem, that problem, anger problems (and one hell of an attitude problem which seems to be the one actual problem he has). I worry that something will happen to her. Not that he'll hurt her on purpose, but that he'll just stop watching her. Every time he has her I wait all day for the phone call where he tells me she's been hit by a car, or ate soy, or had some kind of accident through inattention, and she's in the hospital or dead. Every time he drops her off he complains to me how tired he is from keeping up with her, how hard it is. She's four! Of course t's hard. If only I had her energy.
Maybe he's having second thoughts now that he's expected to watch her himself. Maybe he's realized that when I brought her down before I watched her and he socialized and played dad when it suited him. I don't know.
All I know is I dread Saturdays. And when he starts taking her overnight I may have some kind of real breakdown.
Right, done now. Move along...
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
What's wrong with ongoing health care...
I've mentioned a few times here that I have a disorder call Fibromyalgia. It's a chronic pain disorder. In the US there are two schools of thought about this particular disorder, one is that it is real and needs to be treated, the other is that you're making it up.
Imagine how you feel after a really hard workout. How you feel really sore and you have a hard time moving. Imagine that feeling all over your body, all of time. That is my baseline, it's how I feel every day. Things will sometimes get worse from there, sometimes so bad that I wake up crying because it hurts so much.
I will feel this way for the rest of my life.
One thing that no doctor really explains to you when you have a chronic pain disorder is the depression that goes along with it. When it sinks in, that you're not even 30 and you will be in pain for a good 40 years or so? That's a really depressing thought.
I've dealt with this for a couple of years now. Sometimes, when I'm doling out my daily dose of pills, or I'm in bed unable to sleep, I get overwhelmed by everything.
Good luck trying to get help with that. My insurance doesn't like getting therapy in general, and it really doesn't like the idea of therapy as a treatment for a disorder.
In fact most doctors never even think that people with a chronic disorder may need to talk about it. My doctor steered me into a support group the day I was diagnosed, but never told me about how I might become depressed, or what the long term effects of an illness are. Especially an "invisable" illness. After all, I don't look sick, so I'm expected to act fine. You don't get a lot of compassion when people can't see what's wrong.
When it comes to any kind of long term illness I think the patient should be offered therapy to help get them over that inital "oh my god". And then that option of continuing should be open. Some people don't respond to support group settings. While it's nice to know other people feel the way you do, sometimes it's hard to say "I really can't do this". And if you can't talk about how you feel when you're always in pain, you're eventually going to reach a very very bad place.
I blog to get around that feeling. I don't tell people in "real life" how I feel, ever. There is no point, because quite frankly, I look fine. My boss, my kid, the people I deal with, they don't give a crap if I can't get out of bed. That's the hell of Fibro, there is literally no outward sign that anything is wrong. So I journal, I blog, and I mention it here because support groups aren't my thing.
I could probably benefit from a therapist in this regard. To help when it is just so much, when the idea of going on and on like this to too much. But sadly that isn't an option. And it should be. If we're talking about overhauling healthcare, let's put that in there somewhere. That people who have a chronic illness of any kind can have the option for therapy as part of their treatement for that illness. So they don't have to deal with depression compounding that problem.
Imagine how you feel after a really hard workout. How you feel really sore and you have a hard time moving. Imagine that feeling all over your body, all of time. That is my baseline, it's how I feel every day. Things will sometimes get worse from there, sometimes so bad that I wake up crying because it hurts so much.
I will feel this way for the rest of my life.
One thing that no doctor really explains to you when you have a chronic pain disorder is the depression that goes along with it. When it sinks in, that you're not even 30 and you will be in pain for a good 40 years or so? That's a really depressing thought.
I've dealt with this for a couple of years now. Sometimes, when I'm doling out my daily dose of pills, or I'm in bed unable to sleep, I get overwhelmed by everything.
Good luck trying to get help with that. My insurance doesn't like getting therapy in general, and it really doesn't like the idea of therapy as a treatment for a disorder.
In fact most doctors never even think that people with a chronic disorder may need to talk about it. My doctor steered me into a support group the day I was diagnosed, but never told me about how I might become depressed, or what the long term effects of an illness are. Especially an "invisable" illness. After all, I don't look sick, so I'm expected to act fine. You don't get a lot of compassion when people can't see what's wrong.
When it comes to any kind of long term illness I think the patient should be offered therapy to help get them over that inital "oh my god". And then that option of continuing should be open. Some people don't respond to support group settings. While it's nice to know other people feel the way you do, sometimes it's hard to say "I really can't do this". And if you can't talk about how you feel when you're always in pain, you're eventually going to reach a very very bad place.
I blog to get around that feeling. I don't tell people in "real life" how I feel, ever. There is no point, because quite frankly, I look fine. My boss, my kid, the people I deal with, they don't give a crap if I can't get out of bed. That's the hell of Fibro, there is literally no outward sign that anything is wrong. So I journal, I blog, and I mention it here because support groups aren't my thing.
I could probably benefit from a therapist in this regard. To help when it is just so much, when the idea of going on and on like this to too much. But sadly that isn't an option. And it should be. If we're talking about overhauling healthcare, let's put that in there somewhere. That people who have a chronic illness of any kind can have the option for therapy as part of their treatement for that illness. So they don't have to deal with depression compounding that problem.
Monday, March 23, 2009
What are you reading?
Me? I read a lot. I'd like to think some of you out there read too. Here is what I've read since the new year...
Watchmen
The Almost Moon (Alice Siebol)
Jonathan Strange and Mr. Norell
Seabiscuit
Coraline (Gaiman)
The Norse Myths (an ongoing study)
Dune (Herbert)
Duma Key (King)
Right now I am on Bag of Bones.
What are you folks reading? Out of my list I recommend everything, but I was particularly enchanted by The Almost Moon, which I read in roughly 24 hours. It was amazing.
Watchmen
The Almost Moon (Alice Siebol)
Jonathan Strange and Mr. Norell
Seabiscuit
Coraline (Gaiman)
The Norse Myths (an ongoing study)
Dune (Herbert)
Duma Key (King)
Right now I am on Bag of Bones.
What are you folks reading? Out of my list I recommend everything, but I was particularly enchanted by The Almost Moon, which I read in roughly 24 hours. It was amazing.
Tea Bagging goodness
I love the whole Tea Bagging protest thing. It's really wonderfully lewd, and I have a feeling none of them actually understand that.
Well, today Crooks and Liars has a great piece on the newest and bestest idea, which i to send pictures of tea bags to Obama because the actual tea bags weren't getting through. If you click on the above link you will see the Google page the tea bag movement provides for pictures of tea bags. I'm sure you all know what is found on there. That's right, a dog tea bagging a cat.
Wonderful stuff people. Wonderful stuff.
Well, today Crooks and Liars has a great piece on the newest and bestest idea, which i to send pictures of tea bags to Obama because the actual tea bags weren't getting through. If you click on the above link you will see the Google page the tea bag movement provides for pictures of tea bags. I'm sure you all know what is found on there. That's right, a dog tea bagging a cat.
Wonderful stuff people. Wonderful stuff.
Friday, March 20, 2009
Things I don't understand
Specifically about conservatives...
You guys had the government for 8 years. You had the media for 8 years (now just hush up, when Fox New was considered reliable buy everyone else you know you had the media). You had public opinion for 8 years.
Why are you beated down? How on earth do you expect me to believe that? And why do you accuse liberals of screaming at you? This? This isn't screaming. This is called "rational discourse" in a place we like to call "reality". I know you are all scared about having a black guy as president, but calm down. Please. No one is going to:
1) make the US socialist.
2) take away your guns (?? Really, why are people afraid of this?)
3) take away your right to protest. In fact a number of the restrictions that were in place from Bush may be lifted, so you might even be able to protest where Obama is.
4) take away your right to be christian (again, what? Why are they afraid of this? Obama is christian.)
In fact, no one is taking away any right. Boom.
See, sometimes I get these crazy anxiety problems too. I take medicine. It's better. I recommend it.
Talk to your doctor today.
You guys had the government for 8 years. You had the media for 8 years (now just hush up, when Fox New was considered reliable buy everyone else you know you had the media). You had public opinion for 8 years.
Why are you beated down? How on earth do you expect me to believe that? And why do you accuse liberals of screaming at you? This? This isn't screaming. This is called "rational discourse" in a place we like to call "reality". I know you are all scared about having a black guy as president, but calm down. Please. No one is going to:
1) make the US socialist.
2) take away your guns (?? Really, why are people afraid of this?)
3) take away your right to protest. In fact a number of the restrictions that were in place from Bush may be lifted, so you might even be able to protest where Obama is.
4) take away your right to be christian (again, what? Why are they afraid of this? Obama is christian.)
In fact, no one is taking away any right. Boom.
See, sometimes I get these crazy anxiety problems too. I take medicine. It's better. I recommend it.
Talk to your doctor today.
Friday Randomness
End of the week! First Day of Spring! For those of you out there who are celebrating it, Happy Ostara! I learned today is Atheist Pride Day! So happy Atheist Pride Day!
I also learned that being responsible is eating the lunch you brought to work no matter how much you want Burger King. And I so did want Burger King.
My lettuce is growing quite well. I keep moving it back indoors so it doesn't die in the cold overnight. It started sprouting much earlier than I thought it would.
Still waiting on that damn orchid to bloom. Hurry up already!!
I just watched "The Man Behind the Curtain" (Lost season 3) for the second time yesterday and realized that Richard is really kind of a sarcastic bastard (no worries though, it came and went, but dude, you're talking to a 12 year old kid who is crying. Tone it down, huh?) and Michael Emerson really does get robbed each year he doesn't get an Emmy. Holy shit he is an amazing actor (for those of you who don't watch Lost, Richard's actor Nestor Carbonell plays the mayor in The Dark Knight, the guy who looks like he's wearing eyeliner. Michael Emerson plays the guy who takes Cary Elwes' family hostage in Saw. Emerson's performance was really really good, especially for a guy with as few lines as he had. Just an FYI for you geeks out there).
That is all...
I also learned that being responsible is eating the lunch you brought to work no matter how much you want Burger King. And I so did want Burger King.
My lettuce is growing quite well. I keep moving it back indoors so it doesn't die in the cold overnight. It started sprouting much earlier than I thought it would.
Still waiting on that damn orchid to bloom. Hurry up already!!
I just watched "The Man Behind the Curtain" (Lost season 3) for the second time yesterday and realized that Richard is really kind of a sarcastic bastard (no worries though, it came and went, but dude, you're talking to a 12 year old kid who is crying. Tone it down, huh?) and Michael Emerson really does get robbed each year he doesn't get an Emmy. Holy shit he is an amazing actor (for those of you who don't watch Lost, Richard's actor Nestor Carbonell plays the mayor in The Dark Knight, the guy who looks like he's wearing eyeliner. Michael Emerson plays the guy who takes Cary Elwes' family hostage in Saw. Emerson's performance was really really good, especially for a guy with as few lines as he had. Just an FYI for you geeks out there).
That is all...
What Gods?
I suppose people who aren't pagan and don't study mythology don't realize that lots of religions have gods for the same things. Gods of planting, harvest, birth, death, hunting, fishing, and pretty much any other thing you can think of. Let's take childbirth. Here are a selection of goddess that are associated with childbirth: Bast (Egypt), Frigg (Norse), Hera (Roman), Artemis (Greek). That's a couple off the top of my head. There are tons more.
Of course every culture had a god or goddess for childbirth, women died in it all the time. It was a big deal. If something was a big deal and out of people's control, people made a god for it. Gods were a way for ancient cultures to answer the big questions, even if they don't seem that big to us (like weather, what the hell causes weather? We know now, but they didn't, hence weather gods).
I'm sure that there must have been other monotheistic religions before Judaism showed up, but Judaism is the one that stuck. Here we have a god than encompasses all Gods. Got a problem? You only need one altar, one name. It's like the Walmart of gods. Christianity, Judaism's bastard kid, is the Super Walmart, even better than one stop god shopping, because it's now easier to find stuff (I suppose if we follow that analogy far enough evangelicalism is a super Walmart with delivery service, since you literally don't do anything but say a prayer to get saved. It's astounding).
Of course the downside to that is that you don't have a god or goddess who handles a specific area. This super sky-daddy is apparently as in control of the weather as he is childbirth. As a pagan I really find that astounding too. Because you see gods have a lot to do. They are doing their thing, and then usually they are also having wild and crazy (and probably kinky) God-sex. They are bitching, fighting, over-throwing each other, and in general acting like the cross between your workplace and your favorite night-time soap. Because gods were also aspects of our own selves, the parts of our personalities that we didn't understand. They are a lot like us.
So pagan Gods were acting like people with super-powers. They screw up, make things better, etc. However with the sky-daddy god we see this whole new thing. A god that is infallable. A god that knows everything you do and watches you do it. How creepy! Doesn't this guy have anything better to do? He's supposed to be controlling a whole universe, maybe he should get on that.
There is something disturbing about a culture that thinks up an infalliable. omnipotent god. It implies a culture that is unable to control what happens to it (which would be the Israelites when they were slaves). It makes sense that if things finally look up after they start to worship this god that they would continue to do so. That is how religions start after all. I also imagine the simplicity of the worship (relatively speaking) made it appealing and kept it going. That and the whole eternal damnation thing. Nothing like scaring people into submission! This is also a religion that has no female counterpart to it's god. It's all man, all the time, and despite what the followers of this God may love us girls to believe, there were a number of pre-christian societies that had the women as the leaders.
This really seems to represent a whole new mindset when it comes to how religion is viewed. No more Gods for everything, no more equality within the pantheon, no more god that you can relate to. No more god that can teach you a lesson. Here is a god that rains down fire and brimstone for no reason. Here is a father figure, a huge disiplinarian, not a god. This is a god that makes Loki seem mature and down to earth (seriously, Loki spazzes out quite often in myths, he's jealous and nasty and represents the more unpleasant aspects of people's personalities, and this sky-daddy god is actually worse than that).
Evangelicals don't understand how this god is completely unaccessable to come people. They don't understand that there is almost nothing appealing about this god, nothing that gives you a handhold on his personality. Hate? That is appealing to some people but not everyone.
So, what does this say about current society that people are worshiping "other" religions or chosing to not believe in religion at all, and are doing it more and more? Is a statement of religion as a whole? Or just Christianity, and that particular kind? Maybe as we become more advanced as a society people who still need a faith will go to ones that allow a peaceful co-existance with science (may I suggest paganism? Heh), and those that have moved beyond faith will happily go to athiesm.
What do you guys think? Lurkers, you too.
Of course every culture had a god or goddess for childbirth, women died in it all the time. It was a big deal. If something was a big deal and out of people's control, people made a god for it. Gods were a way for ancient cultures to answer the big questions, even if they don't seem that big to us (like weather, what the hell causes weather? We know now, but they didn't, hence weather gods).
I'm sure that there must have been other monotheistic religions before Judaism showed up, but Judaism is the one that stuck. Here we have a god than encompasses all Gods. Got a problem? You only need one altar, one name. It's like the Walmart of gods. Christianity, Judaism's bastard kid, is the Super Walmart, even better than one stop god shopping, because it's now easier to find stuff (I suppose if we follow that analogy far enough evangelicalism is a super Walmart with delivery service, since you literally don't do anything but say a prayer to get saved. It's astounding).
Of course the downside to that is that you don't have a god or goddess who handles a specific area. This super sky-daddy is apparently as in control of the weather as he is childbirth. As a pagan I really find that astounding too. Because you see gods have a lot to do. They are doing their thing, and then usually they are also having wild and crazy (and probably kinky) God-sex. They are bitching, fighting, over-throwing each other, and in general acting like the cross between your workplace and your favorite night-time soap. Because gods were also aspects of our own selves, the parts of our personalities that we didn't understand. They are a lot like us.
So pagan Gods were acting like people with super-powers. They screw up, make things better, etc. However with the sky-daddy god we see this whole new thing. A god that is infallable. A god that knows everything you do and watches you do it. How creepy! Doesn't this guy have anything better to do? He's supposed to be controlling a whole universe, maybe he should get on that.
There is something disturbing about a culture that thinks up an infalliable. omnipotent god. It implies a culture that is unable to control what happens to it (which would be the Israelites when they were slaves). It makes sense that if things finally look up after they start to worship this god that they would continue to do so. That is how religions start after all. I also imagine the simplicity of the worship (relatively speaking) made it appealing and kept it going. That and the whole eternal damnation thing. Nothing like scaring people into submission! This is also a religion that has no female counterpart to it's god. It's all man, all the time, and despite what the followers of this God may love us girls to believe, there were a number of pre-christian societies that had the women as the leaders.
This really seems to represent a whole new mindset when it comes to how religion is viewed. No more Gods for everything, no more equality within the pantheon, no more god that you can relate to. No more god that can teach you a lesson. Here is a god that rains down fire and brimstone for no reason. Here is a father figure, a huge disiplinarian, not a god. This is a god that makes Loki seem mature and down to earth (seriously, Loki spazzes out quite often in myths, he's jealous and nasty and represents the more unpleasant aspects of people's personalities, and this sky-daddy god is actually worse than that).
Evangelicals don't understand how this god is completely unaccessable to come people. They don't understand that there is almost nothing appealing about this god, nothing that gives you a handhold on his personality. Hate? That is appealing to some people but not everyone.
So, what does this say about current society that people are worshiping "other" religions or chosing to not believe in religion at all, and are doing it more and more? Is a statement of religion as a whole? Or just Christianity, and that particular kind? Maybe as we become more advanced as a society people who still need a faith will go to ones that allow a peaceful co-existance with science (may I suggest paganism? Heh), and those that have moved beyond faith will happily go to athiesm.
What do you guys think? Lurkers, you too.
Thursday, March 19, 2009
You know...
AIG
Every one of the smart people blogs that I read tell me about how I shoudn't be upset about the AIG bonuses. They are worried that it is a distraction and no one really should care about that money.
I think smart people don't understand why we dumb people are upset over these bonuses.
We really don't care about letting AIG stay afloat or collapse (as far as we are concerned we know it will be "bad" for it to collapse, but it's already really fucking bad for most of us, so worse will be right around "zombies eating our brains" time, so we can't imagine it being worse). We don't understand where our money went when we bailed out the people who got us into the mess we're in. And for a long time there was a lot of unfocused frustration. The bonus thing is a focus for our frustration. It's the thing that us dumb people can point to and say, "this is what is wrong, this is why we are here. It's the symbol of corruption and greed.
I think that very, very few of us actually imagine the bonuses will be returned or be gotten back. It's a symbol, smart people. Even dumb people can use symbols. It's not "distracting" anyone but politians, and even then not really. There are, of course, dumber than average people out there who really are worried about the bonuses themselves, but yeah, not everyone is that stupid. Let us have the focus for our frustration without telling us we are stupid. OK? Thanks.
I think smart people don't understand why we dumb people are upset over these bonuses.
We really don't care about letting AIG stay afloat or collapse (as far as we are concerned we know it will be "bad" for it to collapse, but it's already really fucking bad for most of us, so worse will be right around "zombies eating our brains" time, so we can't imagine it being worse). We don't understand where our money went when we bailed out the people who got us into the mess we're in. And for a long time there was a lot of unfocused frustration. The bonus thing is a focus for our frustration. It's the thing that us dumb people can point to and say, "this is what is wrong, this is why we are here. It's the symbol of corruption and greed.
I think that very, very few of us actually imagine the bonuses will be returned or be gotten back. It's a symbol, smart people. Even dumb people can use symbols. It's not "distracting" anyone but politians, and even then not really. There are, of course, dumber than average people out there who really are worried about the bonuses themselves, but yeah, not everyone is that stupid. Let us have the focus for our frustration without telling us we are stupid. OK? Thanks.
Lost blogging
Oh kids. Oh wow. Now, we all knew we were going to meet young Ben, right? I've been waiting, and I'm thrilled to see him. And now the spoiler regarding him and Kate makes a LOT more sense.
Grownup Ben, was he faking his arm injury? Or has he been healed? I can't fathom why he would fake an arm injury, but Ben often is beyond me. I love a villian that out-thinks me on a regular basis.
Sawyer? I've been liking you this season. Alot. You and Juliet are a fantastic couple. And you putting Jack in his place? Best. Scene. All. Episode. You've become the calm confident leader (just like Juliet has, the two of you are so formidable at this point I would dare Kate to try anything just to watch Juliet kill her) and you're a much better leader than Jack. You're right, you think and he reacts, which is why his leading was emotional and troublesome. And that must really piss him off, that you of all people are better suited for the role than he was.
Kate? Shut up. And fuck you. I'm just so annoyed at you and your behavor. You get engaged (to Jake for Christ's sake) and go on with your life and now you'll all angsty that Sawyer went on with his? What is pissing you off more? That he moved on, or that he moved on with Juliet? Seriously, watching Juliet smack you around for a while will be one of the highlights of this season for me.
What happened to the Others?!? Where is Richard? He'd better not be one of the deaths this season. Grrrrr.
Grownup Ben, was he faking his arm injury? Or has he been healed? I can't fathom why he would fake an arm injury, but Ben often is beyond me. I love a villian that out-thinks me on a regular basis.
Sawyer? I've been liking you this season. Alot. You and Juliet are a fantastic couple. And you putting Jack in his place? Best. Scene. All. Episode. You've become the calm confident leader (just like Juliet has, the two of you are so formidable at this point I would dare Kate to try anything just to watch Juliet kill her) and you're a much better leader than Jack. You're right, you think and he reacts, which is why his leading was emotional and troublesome. And that must really piss him off, that you of all people are better suited for the role than he was.
Kate? Shut up. And fuck you. I'm just so annoyed at you and your behavor. You get engaged (to Jake for Christ's sake) and go on with your life and now you'll all angsty that Sawyer went on with his? What is pissing you off more? That he moved on, or that he moved on with Juliet? Seriously, watching Juliet smack you around for a while will be one of the highlights of this season for me.
What happened to the Others?!? Where is Richard? He'd better not be one of the deaths this season. Grrrrr.
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
Being single
I'm single. I think my mother has come to terms with the fact that I'm going to remain that way from now on. I'm happy being single, in fact happier than I ever was in a relationship.
Being single mean, to me at least, a certain level of freedom. I've said before and will again that the only person I'm accountable to is my kid. And while I understand that people are happy in relationships, I just don't get it.
I've had a series of bad relationships, and they have soured me to even having a guy around (I had a hard time when my brother moved in, because even though he was my brother he still did guy things, and it irritated me). In my mind having a guy around means answering to everything you do, hanging on his every word, mothering him, and in general putting yourself aside for him. It's demeaning, but I have never been an equal in a relationship, and so I have now decided to simply not engage in that cycle any more.
One of the really fantastic things about being single and living on your own, or with a young child in the house, is learning what you can do (more than you assume most of the time) and what you like. That last one was a big thing for me, once I moved into my house I found myself getting things or watching things that my ex would like. I've spent a year relearning what I like. Just me. Food, decorating, TV, all kinds of things. It's been fun. And I'm loath to give it up to share things with someone else. Especially since I haven't met a man who actually brings something into a relationship.
I realize there is a certain amount of broken going on there, but since I have never been in a balanced relationship I actually can't imagine what they might be like in any practical way. I have seen adults in them. My grandparents, and my friends, for instance. But that's it. Seen from the outside, my parents didn't even have a good marriage.
I imagine I will get past this problem. People keep telling me that I'll miss being in a relationship (one friend was quite blunt and told me I would miss sex. Umm, men up here are desparate. Sex isn't really a problem, if I wanted it I could have it). I think that I really don't want to part with my independence and that there will probably be no man good enough for me to compromise for, now that I've learned what it's like to not have to.
A number of factors contribute to my singleness, but really whatever they are they have given me a place where I am actually content. It's a good place, and it's a place that I really only want to share with my daughter at the moment, a place of strength in yourself, and how important that is if you're a woman. My daughter watched me build a house. She actually signed one of the studs before the place was drywalled. She's seen me build a career. She's seen me follow my bliss in many ways. She's learning that she can do anything (including her dream of being a "space girl"), and that is one hell of a lot more important than trying yet again to sustain a relationship with a man who isn't, you know, sane.
Better to be happy and alone, trust me girls. Trust me. It's actually a lot less stressful.
Being single mean, to me at least, a certain level of freedom. I've said before and will again that the only person I'm accountable to is my kid. And while I understand that people are happy in relationships, I just don't get it.
I've had a series of bad relationships, and they have soured me to even having a guy around (I had a hard time when my brother moved in, because even though he was my brother he still did guy things, and it irritated me). In my mind having a guy around means answering to everything you do, hanging on his every word, mothering him, and in general putting yourself aside for him. It's demeaning, but I have never been an equal in a relationship, and so I have now decided to simply not engage in that cycle any more.
One of the really fantastic things about being single and living on your own, or with a young child in the house, is learning what you can do (more than you assume most of the time) and what you like. That last one was a big thing for me, once I moved into my house I found myself getting things or watching things that my ex would like. I've spent a year relearning what I like. Just me. Food, decorating, TV, all kinds of things. It's been fun. And I'm loath to give it up to share things with someone else. Especially since I haven't met a man who actually brings something into a relationship.
I realize there is a certain amount of broken going on there, but since I have never been in a balanced relationship I actually can't imagine what they might be like in any practical way. I have seen adults in them. My grandparents, and my friends, for instance. But that's it. Seen from the outside, my parents didn't even have a good marriage.
I imagine I will get past this problem. People keep telling me that I'll miss being in a relationship (one friend was quite blunt and told me I would miss sex. Umm, men up here are desparate. Sex isn't really a problem, if I wanted it I could have it). I think that I really don't want to part with my independence and that there will probably be no man good enough for me to compromise for, now that I've learned what it's like to not have to.
A number of factors contribute to my singleness, but really whatever they are they have given me a place where I am actually content. It's a good place, and it's a place that I really only want to share with my daughter at the moment, a place of strength in yourself, and how important that is if you're a woman. My daughter watched me build a house. She actually signed one of the studs before the place was drywalled. She's seen me build a career. She's seen me follow my bliss in many ways. She's learning that she can do anything (including her dream of being a "space girl"), and that is one hell of a lot more important than trying yet again to sustain a relationship with a man who isn't, you know, sane.
Better to be happy and alone, trust me girls. Trust me. It's actually a lot less stressful.
Tuesday, March 17, 2009
Two things
Two things are bugging me today (well, OK, more than two, but these are the big ones. And it isn't even 8AM!)
1) If you're not Irish, why are you wearing green? Or orange, but how man non-Irish folks know that? But really, St. Patrick's Day is a holiday, a religious one. You know, the whole Saint part of the name. It's not about everyone being Irish (that one really irritates me, considering how people actually viewed the Irish) and it's not about drinking. In fact there is less drinking in Ireland today because the bars are closed. For god's sake.
2) AIG? Shut up. About your contracts and your bonuses. You guys are scum, you got us into it, and if you have the big ass balls to actually pay the people who screwed up millions of taxpayer bailout money then you had better listen to our bashing the shit out of your company and take teh fall. You have made a series of insanely idiotic decisions, now deal with it.
1) If you're not Irish, why are you wearing green? Or orange, but how man non-Irish folks know that? But really, St. Patrick's Day is a holiday, a religious one. You know, the whole Saint part of the name. It's not about everyone being Irish (that one really irritates me, considering how people actually viewed the Irish) and it's not about drinking. In fact there is less drinking in Ireland today because the bars are closed. For god's sake.
2) AIG? Shut up. About your contracts and your bonuses. You guys are scum, you got us into it, and if you have the big ass balls to actually pay the people who screwed up millions of taxpayer bailout money then you had better listen to our bashing the shit out of your company and take teh fall. You have made a series of insanely idiotic decisions, now deal with it.
Monday, March 16, 2009
Oh Bristol
I find it very depressing that the news is reporting that Bristol and her idiot ex may be getting back together. For goodness sake girl, don't make that mistake! Don't let your mother force you into a marriage with a loser you will resent for the rest of your life! You're already saddled with him, let it stay at that. Move on girl. Seriously, call me, I'll take you in. Make you a cake. The baby can play with the kid, she LOVES babies. It will all work out.
Culture of hatred
Warning, there is some serious profanity ahead. It serves a purpose, but if you don't like the repeated use of the word f*ck, please move along.
I've read in a couple of places this morning about the way woman bloggers or presences on the internet seem to attract extreme hatred and threats, especially of a highly sexual nature. It's an extension of the bullying found in school, they are attacking what they think is different, in this case women.
The internet, and computers in general, are seen as male. Girls can't use a computer, and if they do they go and post stupid pictures of their families. They don't do smart stuff on the internet. They don't know how. This is a pretty constant view of women and the world of computers.
I dropped out of college in 1996, and got into computers the same year. I got in at a time when women simply were not thought to be smart enough to use them, much less sell them to corporations like I did. Or repair them, like I did. The studies showing that women are actually better at software then men hadn't come out yet, thus starting to clear a path for women in the field of development.
For years, until 2000 when I finally quit because my doctor informed me that the stress was making me sick, I was the subject of some really astounding "soft sexism". Men would listen to what I had to say and then tell me that was nice and but they wanted to talk to someone who really knew about computers. It would take me 6 months or more to win over a corporation to where they would buy from me (I was commission, so I had to make any sale I could). It sucked, but I did it for years.
When I started really working on the internet I was disappointed to find out that the same mindset had carried over. Men still treated women the same way I had been treated, but on a wider scale. Of course if you tell them the first programers were women they think you are lying.
The anonminity of the internet has opened a new door for these men, now they can say what they really think about these women who are intruding in "their" domain. Thus the threats, usually of sexual violence, against female bloggers and writers of all kinds. If we can't see them, they feel that they can say anything they want about us.
Which makes one wonder, if men feel that they can act this way when they are not "being watched", is this what they are really like? Just machines that want to rape and kill women? Not all, I'm sure, but a lot. These rape fantasies are disturbing, and the fact that they feel the need to verbally act them out on women they are threatened by is even more disturbing.
Men wonder why women are afraid of them? That's why, right there. At some point in her life nearly every woman will be verbally or physically abused in a sexual manner. It's degrading, and a large part of the male population seem to think they can do it. Cat calls? Degrading. Every drunken "hey baby" or grope, yup, degrading. Every comment on a blog about wanting to rape you and slit your throat because you have the nerve to be writing about something considered a male field? You go ahead and guess on that one.
Too many people decide to stay silent on this, and most importantly too many men allow their fellow men get away with this. If a woman is attacked in this manner online most of the time women will start to yell and scream, but we really need other men to stand up and scream too. Sexism isn't going to be fixed by feminists alone, it needs to be fixed by other men who have the balls to stand up to their buddies when their buddies talk about how much they want to fuck a chick till she bleeds. Yeah, it's all harmless fun. Sure it is. How would you like it if we women talked about how we wanted to strap on a 10 inch dildo and fuck your ass until you bled? That cool? Yeah, I didn't think so.
So man up, stand up to your fellow men when they start this kind of behavor. Please? There's really no excuse for it. And then maybe you'll see that us "man haters" don't really hate you, we hate how you act. Treat us like humans, and we won't treat you like you're pond scum.
I've read in a couple of places this morning about the way woman bloggers or presences on the internet seem to attract extreme hatred and threats, especially of a highly sexual nature. It's an extension of the bullying found in school, they are attacking what they think is different, in this case women.
The internet, and computers in general, are seen as male. Girls can't use a computer, and if they do they go and post stupid pictures of their families. They don't do smart stuff on the internet. They don't know how. This is a pretty constant view of women and the world of computers.
I dropped out of college in 1996, and got into computers the same year. I got in at a time when women simply were not thought to be smart enough to use them, much less sell them to corporations like I did. Or repair them, like I did. The studies showing that women are actually better at software then men hadn't come out yet, thus starting to clear a path for women in the field of development.
For years, until 2000 when I finally quit because my doctor informed me that the stress was making me sick, I was the subject of some really astounding "soft sexism". Men would listen to what I had to say and then tell me that was nice and but they wanted to talk to someone who really knew about computers. It would take me 6 months or more to win over a corporation to where they would buy from me (I was commission, so I had to make any sale I could). It sucked, but I did it for years.
When I started really working on the internet I was disappointed to find out that the same mindset had carried over. Men still treated women the same way I had been treated, but on a wider scale. Of course if you tell them the first programers were women they think you are lying.
The anonminity of the internet has opened a new door for these men, now they can say what they really think about these women who are intruding in "their" domain. Thus the threats, usually of sexual violence, against female bloggers and writers of all kinds. If we can't see them, they feel that they can say anything they want about us.
Which makes one wonder, if men feel that they can act this way when they are not "being watched", is this what they are really like? Just machines that want to rape and kill women? Not all, I'm sure, but a lot. These rape fantasies are disturbing, and the fact that they feel the need to verbally act them out on women they are threatened by is even more disturbing.
Men wonder why women are afraid of them? That's why, right there. At some point in her life nearly every woman will be verbally or physically abused in a sexual manner. It's degrading, and a large part of the male population seem to think they can do it. Cat calls? Degrading. Every drunken "hey baby" or grope, yup, degrading. Every comment on a blog about wanting to rape you and slit your throat because you have the nerve to be writing about something considered a male field? You go ahead and guess on that one.
Too many people decide to stay silent on this, and most importantly too many men allow their fellow men get away with this. If a woman is attacked in this manner online most of the time women will start to yell and scream, but we really need other men to stand up and scream too. Sexism isn't going to be fixed by feminists alone, it needs to be fixed by other men who have the balls to stand up to their buddies when their buddies talk about how much they want to fuck a chick till she bleeds. Yeah, it's all harmless fun. Sure it is. How would you like it if we women talked about how we wanted to strap on a 10 inch dildo and fuck your ass until you bled? That cool? Yeah, I didn't think so.
So man up, stand up to your fellow men when they start this kind of behavor. Please? There's really no excuse for it. And then maybe you'll see that us "man haters" don't really hate you, we hate how you act. Treat us like humans, and we won't treat you like you're pond scum.
Friday, March 13, 2009
Oh and by the way...
Tomorrow is Pi day. I may not post tomorrow but I did want to mention it because it's cool.
Friday Randomness
It's Friday Randomness time!
First up is poor Bristol Palin, who is in the news because she got dumped. Call it what you will, but the guy spazzed out and dumped her. Bristol honey, been there done that. It sucks, but you're better off. Call me. We'll talk. Then file for custody and child support before he flakes any further.
Also on the Bristol Palin front is... Mommy dearest? You released a statement about this through your PAC? Really? Do you even know how that looks? It looks like you're getting bold about exploiting your daughter's heartache for your own political ambition. For that? Fuck you. It's bad enough you give all working mother's a bad name, you're also are a manipulative bitch to keep dragging your kid into the spotlight.
Unrelated to any of that is Irish Potatoes. You've seen them in the store. Those coconut things rolled in Cinnamon. Ummm, what now? Potatoes are indeed a staple of the Irish diet, along with lamb/mutton and fish. But Ireland is not noted for it's coconuts. I have never gotten where this candy came from. It's just totally bizarre. However on Saint Patty's Day I will treat you all (what all two readers?) to the story of why Irish people plant a potato on March 17th. We're a strange people.
I can not freaking wait for Lost next week. Seriously.
First up is poor Bristol Palin, who is in the news because she got dumped. Call it what you will, but the guy spazzed out and dumped her. Bristol honey, been there done that. It sucks, but you're better off. Call me. We'll talk. Then file for custody and child support before he flakes any further.
Also on the Bristol Palin front is... Mommy dearest? You released a statement about this through your PAC? Really? Do you even know how that looks? It looks like you're getting bold about exploiting your daughter's heartache for your own political ambition. For that? Fuck you. It's bad enough you give all working mother's a bad name, you're also are a manipulative bitch to keep dragging your kid into the spotlight.
Unrelated to any of that is Irish Potatoes. You've seen them in the store. Those coconut things rolled in Cinnamon. Ummm, what now? Potatoes are indeed a staple of the Irish diet, along with lamb/mutton and fish. But Ireland is not noted for it's coconuts. I have never gotten where this candy came from. It's just totally bizarre. However on Saint Patty's Day I will treat you all (what all two readers?) to the story of why Irish people plant a potato on March 17th. We're a strange people.
I can not freaking wait for Lost next week. Seriously.
Thursday, March 12, 2009
You may want to have that looked at
There are people out there who really hate women. Especially women who are smart and outspoken and feminist.
For a really stunning example of that, make with the clicky here, and read the comments in particular.
The woman they are talking about, Jessica Valenti, is the founder of the blog Feministing and author of the new book The Purity Code (which I plan on buying when I get some extra cash). I have been reading her blog for a while now, and it's pretty good. Like a lot of feminists out there she is smart and funny and a decent read.
She's also getting married, to which I say, Good for her! And that is where this hate starts, because she posted on her blog about her impending wedding. Some right wing blog picked it up and off they went. The link above is to Ace of Spades. And there is some major hate going on there. For a woman they never met, who they assume to be a terrible overbearing bitch because she is a feminist and actually has the gall to say things they don't agree with.
Man, there is a group of people who need to have their issues checked out.
For a really stunning example of that, make with the clicky here, and read the comments in particular.
The woman they are talking about, Jessica Valenti, is the founder of the blog Feministing and author of the new book The Purity Code (which I plan on buying when I get some extra cash). I have been reading her blog for a while now, and it's pretty good. Like a lot of feminists out there she is smart and funny and a decent read.
She's also getting married, to which I say, Good for her! And that is where this hate starts, because she posted on her blog about her impending wedding. Some right wing blog picked it up and off they went. The link above is to Ace of Spades. And there is some major hate going on there. For a woman they never met, who they assume to be a terrible overbearing bitch because she is a feminist and actually has the gall to say things they don't agree with.
Man, there is a group of people who need to have their issues checked out.
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
Obama is a citizen
OK, seriously. I thought after the election was over this would stop. The certificate of live birth, or not, the guy was born to, and here is the important thing so listen up all you wingnuts, a U.S. citizen. He could have been born in Hawaii, Africa, or on the moon for God's sake. McCain was born in Panama. No one bitched about that.
Now, and I want you to listen up one last time friends, he was elected. He's president. You may not like it, you don't have to like it. But he was elected. He wasn't appointed by the Supreme Court. He didn't steal the election. He just won.
This whole lawsuit thing? Makes you all seem not just desparate and unseemly, but a smidge racist. Just saying. I doubt you would have done this if Obama was white.
So people? Let it go. Stop making fools of yourselves! Please!
Now, and I want you to listen up one last time friends, he was elected. He's president. You may not like it, you don't have to like it. But he was elected. He wasn't appointed by the Supreme Court. He didn't steal the election. He just won.
This whole lawsuit thing? Makes you all seem not just desparate and unseemly, but a smidge racist. Just saying. I doubt you would have done this if Obama was white.
So people? Let it go. Stop making fools of yourselves! Please!
Quack science
Rant mode on/
One of the things that bothers me about being pagan is that in this country pagan and "new age" are viewed as the same thing. No. Not the same thing. Though there is an overlap, it is not all-encompassing as most people believe.
One of the reasons why this bothers me is because new agers tend to believe in quack medicine, which is putting actually medicine back years. The big reason, however, is vaccines.
Now before we start let me be clear, I in no way advocate not giving your child vaccines. My kid is up to date on all her shots. However, after the second round of shots and her resulting massive illness we went onto a modified schedual.
The kid got massively ill for days after her second round of shots. Bad enough that she had to be taken back to her doctor for an extremely high fever and vomiting. This is a reaction that can happen with a round of vaccines. Now, for non-parents out there, starting at birth your kid gets these rounds, and they are vaccinated until the age of two with up for up to 6 viruses at a time. Imagine you were exposed to 6 viruses at a time? You might get sick. It happens. I'm not sure what the logic is behind that.
There are people out there who believe that these vaccines give kids autism. That's such a hard line to draw. They do make some kids really sick. And some kids do seem to develop autism after a round of vaccines. Do I think it's the vaccine? No, I really don't. I wouldn't be suprised to learn that the vaccine is triggering a secondary response in these kid's system that in turn triggers the autism. After all, many kids with autism also have food allergies and other immune problems. Maybe the vaccines just start a chain reaction. After all, my disorder is thought to be the end result of a massive immune response to trama. Maybe autism is something like that.
I'm not saying it is, of course. I have no idea. I'd like to see a study about it. Of course I'd like to see a study about it for Fibro too.
What I am saying is that this quack science is muddying the waters and confusing the issue. And not just about autism, it happens about various other diseases too, but autism seems to be at the top of the list. And most dangerously these people are not giving their children important vaccines. For god's sake, just spread out the shots! Given over a two week period the reaction is almost nil. My kid got unimaginably ill, now it's nothing at all. It's just a hassel to have to go back a few times to get her stuck.
This is serious stuff these people are messing around with, and I seriously want people to stop associating these people with pagans. They are not pagan. They are nuts. New age does not mean pagan. People who believe in Indigo Children and autism caused by vaccines? Not pagan. Nuts. Not the same thing. Arg!! Pagans can be reasonable and believe in science!
/Right, enough ranting. I'm beginning to sound all crazy. Pagans are not quacks. Please take that away from this. KTHXBIE!
One of the things that bothers me about being pagan is that in this country pagan and "new age" are viewed as the same thing. No. Not the same thing. Though there is an overlap, it is not all-encompassing as most people believe.
One of the reasons why this bothers me is because new agers tend to believe in quack medicine, which is putting actually medicine back years. The big reason, however, is vaccines.
Now before we start let me be clear, I in no way advocate not giving your child vaccines. My kid is up to date on all her shots. However, after the second round of shots and her resulting massive illness we went onto a modified schedual.
The kid got massively ill for days after her second round of shots. Bad enough that she had to be taken back to her doctor for an extremely high fever and vomiting. This is a reaction that can happen with a round of vaccines. Now, for non-parents out there, starting at birth your kid gets these rounds, and they are vaccinated until the age of two with up for up to 6 viruses at a time. Imagine you were exposed to 6 viruses at a time? You might get sick. It happens. I'm not sure what the logic is behind that.
There are people out there who believe that these vaccines give kids autism. That's such a hard line to draw. They do make some kids really sick. And some kids do seem to develop autism after a round of vaccines. Do I think it's the vaccine? No, I really don't. I wouldn't be suprised to learn that the vaccine is triggering a secondary response in these kid's system that in turn triggers the autism. After all, many kids with autism also have food allergies and other immune problems. Maybe the vaccines just start a chain reaction. After all, my disorder is thought to be the end result of a massive immune response to trama. Maybe autism is something like that.
I'm not saying it is, of course. I have no idea. I'd like to see a study about it. Of course I'd like to see a study about it for Fibro too.
What I am saying is that this quack science is muddying the waters and confusing the issue. And not just about autism, it happens about various other diseases too, but autism seems to be at the top of the list. And most dangerously these people are not giving their children important vaccines. For god's sake, just spread out the shots! Given over a two week period the reaction is almost nil. My kid got unimaginably ill, now it's nothing at all. It's just a hassel to have to go back a few times to get her stuck.
This is serious stuff these people are messing around with, and I seriously want people to stop associating these people with pagans. They are not pagan. They are nuts. New age does not mean pagan. People who believe in Indigo Children and autism caused by vaccines? Not pagan. Nuts. Not the same thing. Arg!! Pagans can be reasonable and believe in science!
/Right, enough ranting. I'm beginning to sound all crazy. Pagans are not quacks. Please take that away from this. KTHXBIE!
Typealyzer
Okay...
So I plugged this blog into Typealyzer. It happily informed me that this blog is "the Artists", and according to them that means...
"The gentle and compassionate type. They are especially attuned their inner values and what other people need. They are not friends of many words and tend to take the worries of the world on their shoulders. They tend to follow the path of least resistance and have to look out not to be taken advantage of. They often prefer working quietly, behind the scene as a part of a team. They tend to value their friends and family above what they do for a living."
Which I suppose is right. Though for the most part there are few people who would view me as gentle. I'm a bit rough around the edges. Just ask the people I work with after I've spent half an hour screaming at a trucker. Heh. Not particularly gentle.
I'm also not entirely sure why they came to this conclusion. It seems a bit off from the way this blog is set up, and quite frankly it came to the conclusion really quickly. Maybe it analyzed word usage? I don't know. It all seems sketchy to me.
For a much better view on this please view slacktivist. Fred seems slimilarly unhappy with his assessment.
So I plugged this blog into Typealyzer. It happily informed me that this blog is "the Artists", and according to them that means...
"The gentle and compassionate type. They are especially attuned their inner values and what other people need. They are not friends of many words and tend to take the worries of the world on their shoulders. They tend to follow the path of least resistance and have to look out not to be taken advantage of. They often prefer working quietly, behind the scene as a part of a team. They tend to value their friends and family above what they do for a living."
Which I suppose is right. Though for the most part there are few people who would view me as gentle. I'm a bit rough around the edges. Just ask the people I work with after I've spent half an hour screaming at a trucker. Heh. Not particularly gentle.
I'm also not entirely sure why they came to this conclusion. It seems a bit off from the way this blog is set up, and quite frankly it came to the conclusion really quickly. Maybe it analyzed word usage? I don't know. It all seems sketchy to me.
For a much better view on this please view slacktivist. Fred seems slimilarly unhappy with his assessment.
Tuesday, March 10, 2009
Happy birthday
In my family we believe it is good luck to be born on a family member's birthday. I always secretly believed that was because we were a good Irish Catholic family and since there were so many of us odds were you were going to be born on or close to someone's birthday. Especially since kids are born in weird little clusters.
In some kinds if paganism it is good luck to be born on a full moon. It means you will have a full life.
A friend of mine's wife had their first child this afternoon,a darling little girl. Born on a full moon and on a mutual friend's birthday.
Good luck little lady, may you have all the luck in the world.
Gosh, I do love babies.
Incidentally she is also born a day off the anniversery of my aunt's death two years ago. Lots of births and deaths this time of year. Must be the change of seasons.
In some kinds if paganism it is good luck to be born on a full moon. It means you will have a full life.
A friend of mine's wife had their first child this afternoon,a darling little girl. Born on a full moon and on a mutual friend's birthday.
Good luck little lady, may you have all the luck in the world.
Gosh, I do love babies.
Incidentally she is also born a day off the anniversery of my aunt's death two years ago. Lots of births and deaths this time of year. Must be the change of seasons.
Monday, March 9, 2009
Pagans are sneaky
Just like Canadians and ninjas. Just ask my brother on those last two.
Anyway, the American Religious Identification Survey from Trinity College in Hartford, Connecticut was released today, and it had some really interesting information in it. But what I liked was that "other" religions, which no longer included Buddhism, or any eastern religions and so sounds mostly likey made up of the pagan community, has risen over the last three surveys. From .8% in 1990, to .9% in 2001, to 1.2% in 2008.
Woo hoo!
There is a bunch more interesting data in there, including how the number of people identifying themselves as Christian is falling, atheists are rising (woo hoo for them too, those sneaky buggers). The Religious Right is freaking out about the atheism thing. Sorry guys. We would have taken the flack for that one, but apparently atheists are more teh evil than pagans right now. Dude, that sucks.
It also shows a trend toward more independant thinking in this country. Go us!! Let's not let ourselves get brainwashed by the Religious Right anymore! Yay!
Anyway, the American Religious Identification Survey from Trinity College in Hartford, Connecticut was released today, and it had some really interesting information in it. But what I liked was that "other" religions, which no longer included Buddhism, or any eastern religions and so sounds mostly likey made up of the pagan community, has risen over the last three surveys. From .8% in 1990, to .9% in 2001, to 1.2% in 2008.
Woo hoo!
There is a bunch more interesting data in there, including how the number of people identifying themselves as Christian is falling, atheists are rising (woo hoo for them too, those sneaky buggers). The Religious Right is freaking out about the atheism thing. Sorry guys. We would have taken the flack for that one, but apparently atheists are more teh evil than pagans right now. Dude, that sucks.
It also shows a trend toward more independant thinking in this country. Go us!! Let's not let ourselves get brainwashed by the Religious Right anymore! Yay!
My part for Mother Nature
Each year the kid and I start a garden. It has a couple of purposes, first it's fun for the kid, she likes to play in the dirt. It's a way of saving money, since we plant stuff we will use. It's a way of reducing our carbon footprint since we don't have to drive anywhere for fresh veggies.
We started seeds for lettuce, spearmint, basil, and some cutting flowers this weekend. Within the next few weeks we will start tomatoes and probably some beans too. Last year we had fantastic luck with container tomatoes until some swallowtail caterpillars came and ate them. So I'm hoping for the same this year, without the swallowtails. That's the hazard of growing without pesticides, you get bugs. Of course you can also eat stuff you pick yourself. I can not advocate gardening enough. Even container gardening, which is what I do most of the time due to our insane HOA laws.
In other random gardening news, my orchid is about to bloom. So how about that? I can grow orchids. Cool!
We started seeds for lettuce, spearmint, basil, and some cutting flowers this weekend. Within the next few weeks we will start tomatoes and probably some beans too. Last year we had fantastic luck with container tomatoes until some swallowtail caterpillars came and ate them. So I'm hoping for the same this year, without the swallowtails. That's the hazard of growing without pesticides, you get bugs. Of course you can also eat stuff you pick yourself. I can not advocate gardening enough. Even container gardening, which is what I do most of the time due to our insane HOA laws.
In other random gardening news, my orchid is about to bloom. So how about that? I can grow orchids. Cool!
Friday, March 6, 2009
Asking those tough questions part 2
This time I wanted to talk about doubt, and I've been thinking about it trying to come up with a way of saying things that didn't make me sound like a moron or a lunatic.
There aren't too many ways of going about that. Aside from looking at how Ray Comfort writes and striving for the opposite of that. I'll do what I can though.
One of the problems with faith is that sometimes religion leaves no room for doubting your faith. You can have faith in all kinds of things, faith in the kindness of strangers, in gods, in dieting, etc. Heck, I know people who have faith in the Flying Spagetti Monster. Hee! Faith and religion can be, and probably should be, separate things.
However, not every religion allows that separation, and so they are faced with this problem of how to address doubt. Just like everyone has faith in something, everyone doubts too. We're all human here, it happens.
When the kid was born I had grave doubts about pretty much everything. I had an emergency c-section, and when I was in recovery they came in and told me that she had collapsed both lungs and needed to be taken to a NICU in a different hospital. I was staying where I was to recover. I was exhausted and they were taking my baby far away from me. The next day, before my mother came to visit me, and before my grandmother had called to kick me in the ass and stop me from feeling sorry for myself, I was sitting there feeling sorry for myself and my kid. I was all by myself, and this guy comes into my room. He was the hospital's pastor and the first thing he asked was where my baby was. I was stunned, and told him my baby was in another hospital's NICU. I then said I guessed he wasn't there to talk to me about that. Apparently this guy's job was to visit the new mothers and offer whatever services a church would offer to new mothers (forgive me, I'm sketchy on this. I haven't been to church for a while and the guy never actually told me why he showed up). Now, he is presented with a new mother, all by herself, her baby is in a NICU and she can't get to the baby because she is recovering from surgery. Quick! Say something comforting!
This man then tells me that they never tell him about things like this, offers some kind of "I'm sorry" and leaves.
I was floored.
I had spent a good amount of time up until this point bargaining with every single God I could think of. I offered to devote my life to any of them that made my kid better. Rash bargains, to be sure, made by a exhausted and upset woman. I thought for a moment maybe this pastor was a sign. If he was, he was a pretty crappy one.
Then I wondered, what if this was all for nothing, what if my kid would just die. What if, what if. It was not the best time. I got visitors, the most important was my kids god parents, who gave me a framed picture of my child. I will always find it amusing that they actually met her before I did, I had seen her for less than 5 minutes total since she had been born. My mother drifted in and out, my grandmother called me, which was what actually motivated me to talk my way out of the hospital just to see my kid. I had done enough sitting around, time to get going. Two days had gone by. That was enough.
Eventually, after I had seen the kid and I was sure she wasn't going to die right at the moment or anything, and then got her home and realized I wasn't going to kill her by accident, I started to regain some faith. In me, in my gods, in everything in general. It wasn't a loss of faith, but it sure was a time where that faith was under a lot of strain. And I can see where that strain could lead to that loss, eventually. What kept it from being lost was probably that I never stopped actually believe in my gods, or people being good, even while I lost my faith in them and felt a bit abandoned.
There is an arguement used by people who seem to particularly hate atheists (Hi Ray!) called the "No True Scotsman" arguement. It boils down to if you really know Christ you can never stop believing in him, so a Christian can never lose faith and become atheist. Leaving aside for retarted that sounds, how can that be true? Of course you can lose faith, no matter who you believe in. It can start with a doubt, like mine and probably thousands of others. Sometimes, like mine, it goes back to the beginning, you regain faith. Sometimes you lose it completely. It happens. And there is nothing wrong with that, it doesn't hurt anyone. People get all up in arms about losing your faith, like you lost an arm. I imagine it has to do with their ideas of the afterlife, the religions with a more casual, less Hell-like, afterlife tend to not give a crap is you don't believe in what they believe in. It's all good. They also tend to give you room if you doubt, because it happens.
So, doubting happens with any faith, it really does. You doubt? Good, you're human. However, to all those big old religions out there, maybe you want to take a step back when a follower starts to doubt in you god. Be comforting, not like that idiot I got stuck with after my kid was born. But not too clingy, or put too much pressure on the person, because that's not going to help at all. Think about why you are doing that, and then remember that whole free will thing. You can do it! And most of all remember, ultimately it is their choice, getting angry at someone who choses to not believe in your god isn't going to help anyone. And it certainly won't get them back.
There aren't too many ways of going about that. Aside from looking at how Ray Comfort writes and striving for the opposite of that. I'll do what I can though.
One of the problems with faith is that sometimes religion leaves no room for doubting your faith. You can have faith in all kinds of things, faith in the kindness of strangers, in gods, in dieting, etc. Heck, I know people who have faith in the Flying Spagetti Monster. Hee! Faith and religion can be, and probably should be, separate things.
However, not every religion allows that separation, and so they are faced with this problem of how to address doubt. Just like everyone has faith in something, everyone doubts too. We're all human here, it happens.
When the kid was born I had grave doubts about pretty much everything. I had an emergency c-section, and when I was in recovery they came in and told me that she had collapsed both lungs and needed to be taken to a NICU in a different hospital. I was staying where I was to recover. I was exhausted and they were taking my baby far away from me. The next day, before my mother came to visit me, and before my grandmother had called to kick me in the ass and stop me from feeling sorry for myself, I was sitting there feeling sorry for myself and my kid. I was all by myself, and this guy comes into my room. He was the hospital's pastor and the first thing he asked was where my baby was. I was stunned, and told him my baby was in another hospital's NICU. I then said I guessed he wasn't there to talk to me about that. Apparently this guy's job was to visit the new mothers and offer whatever services a church would offer to new mothers (forgive me, I'm sketchy on this. I haven't been to church for a while and the guy never actually told me why he showed up). Now, he is presented with a new mother, all by herself, her baby is in a NICU and she can't get to the baby because she is recovering from surgery. Quick! Say something comforting!
This man then tells me that they never tell him about things like this, offers some kind of "I'm sorry" and leaves.
I was floored.
I had spent a good amount of time up until this point bargaining with every single God I could think of. I offered to devote my life to any of them that made my kid better. Rash bargains, to be sure, made by a exhausted and upset woman. I thought for a moment maybe this pastor was a sign. If he was, he was a pretty crappy one.
Then I wondered, what if this was all for nothing, what if my kid would just die. What if, what if. It was not the best time. I got visitors, the most important was my kids god parents, who gave me a framed picture of my child. I will always find it amusing that they actually met her before I did, I had seen her for less than 5 minutes total since she had been born. My mother drifted in and out, my grandmother called me, which was what actually motivated me to talk my way out of the hospital just to see my kid. I had done enough sitting around, time to get going. Two days had gone by. That was enough.
Eventually, after I had seen the kid and I was sure she wasn't going to die right at the moment or anything, and then got her home and realized I wasn't going to kill her by accident, I started to regain some faith. In me, in my gods, in everything in general. It wasn't a loss of faith, but it sure was a time where that faith was under a lot of strain. And I can see where that strain could lead to that loss, eventually. What kept it from being lost was probably that I never stopped actually believe in my gods, or people being good, even while I lost my faith in them and felt a bit abandoned.
There is an arguement used by people who seem to particularly hate atheists (Hi Ray!) called the "No True Scotsman" arguement. It boils down to if you really know Christ you can never stop believing in him, so a Christian can never lose faith and become atheist. Leaving aside for retarted that sounds, how can that be true? Of course you can lose faith, no matter who you believe in. It can start with a doubt, like mine and probably thousands of others. Sometimes, like mine, it goes back to the beginning, you regain faith. Sometimes you lose it completely. It happens. And there is nothing wrong with that, it doesn't hurt anyone. People get all up in arms about losing your faith, like you lost an arm. I imagine it has to do with their ideas of the afterlife, the religions with a more casual, less Hell-like, afterlife tend to not give a crap is you don't believe in what they believe in. It's all good. They also tend to give you room if you doubt, because it happens.
So, doubting happens with any faith, it really does. You doubt? Good, you're human. However, to all those big old religions out there, maybe you want to take a step back when a follower starts to doubt in you god. Be comforting, not like that idiot I got stuck with after my kid was born. But not too clingy, or put too much pressure on the person, because that's not going to help at all. Think about why you are doing that, and then remember that whole free will thing. You can do it! And most of all remember, ultimately it is their choice, getting angry at someone who choses to not believe in your god isn't going to help anyone. And it certainly won't get them back.
Thursday, March 5, 2009
Lost blogging
Richard is back. Huzzah! Now perhaps the show would like to exlain why he's the leader at a point when Windemore is supposed to be leading the lot of them. I did like him with Sawyer though, Richard with his cocky "whatever, I can kill you all" and Sawyer with his cocky "whatever, I can talk my way out of it".
Sawyer and Juliet make a good couple. Anyone could have seen that from teh first time they started to interact. And they actually seem to have chemistry, unlike Kate and anyone else. If Sawyer decides to dump the lovely and smart Juliet for Kate I'm going to be very upset. Just once can someone dump Kate in favor of Juliet? Please?
We've been hearing a lot about the Black Rock (I have gotten past seasons on DVD and have noticed that the ship gets mentioned pretty often). There is speculation that Richard was part of the Black Rock crew, but I'm thinking he may be an original inhabitant of the island, not just a long time one. So maybe someone could ask him what on earth is going on. Asking Ben does no good, he'd just as soon tell you the sky is green. Juliet will tell you what you want, if she knows it. Richard though, the only person who has asked Richard anything is Locke, and he asks stupid questions (what? He does.)
And maybe someone can ask him what's up with the statue.
Sawyer and Juliet make a good couple. Anyone could have seen that from teh first time they started to interact. And they actually seem to have chemistry, unlike Kate and anyone else. If Sawyer decides to dump the lovely and smart Juliet for Kate I'm going to be very upset. Just once can someone dump Kate in favor of Juliet? Please?
We've been hearing a lot about the Black Rock (I have gotten past seasons on DVD and have noticed that the ship gets mentioned pretty often). There is speculation that Richard was part of the Black Rock crew, but I'm thinking he may be an original inhabitant of the island, not just a long time one. So maybe someone could ask him what on earth is going on. Asking Ben does no good, he'd just as soon tell you the sky is green. Juliet will tell you what you want, if she knows it. Richard though, the only person who has asked Richard anything is Locke, and he asks stupid questions (what? He does.)
And maybe someone can ask him what's up with the statue.
Wednesday, March 4, 2009
Asking those tough questions
I have a couple of different ideas for posts about religions rambling around in my head right now, including one compairing the heathen reclaimationists to the Christian fundamentalist, so there may be more of these posts in the future.
What I wanted to talk about now is the calling to a pagan god, and how it seems to differ from calling to Sky-daddy god (thanks tons of atheist blogs, I'm stealing that because it bugs me to call him "God" like he's the only one).
There are certain similarities to how certain pagan gods call you. Odin's followers are hounded for months by dreams, and have Odin show up over and over in quiz show answers and other random events. He's a god of warriors and kings and his approach is pretty much that of a warrior king. You will pay attention to him. There is no discussion.
Now, I belong to a subsect of paganism that believes that gods call you, you do not call them. You can try, but gods are kind of like cats, it won't always do you any good. If a god shows up on your life there is a reason, they want you to do something or your need is so great that it got their attention. So Odin shows up and shortly thereafter I do end up in a series of very trying situations that required me to be a lot stronger than I thought I could be. I needed to be a warrior, and I felt better with him at my back. That's what faith is after all.
So, here we have the idea that gods show up when you need them or when they want you to do something. You get the feeling of faith and such that religion gives you.
After you get called you learn about said God, how to worship said God, converse with them. It's a honeymoon period. Sometimes you realize that this god isn't for you, or sometimes the god just dumps you. It happens sometimes. Or you realize that it will be a short-term relationship. Some pagans god hope all over the place.
Compair this to the way sky-daddy gets followers. Fron what I keep reading these seems to be more of an ah-ha moment. One moment the person suddenly sees this god in their life. Just like that. After this very sudden discovery you go through the honeymoon period, but you are discouraged from saying "gee, you know I don't think this is the right god for me". In this case you have a whole other element you don't have in paganism, you have peer pressure. You have a whole bunch of other people who are telling you that this is the god for you, you're just not trying hard enough. Oddly enough some of these people like to compare their relationship with their god to a marriage. I'm suprisingly OK with this, I sometimes compare my relationship to Odin as a marriage (I joke that he's the only man in my life, though that is a lie even on the level of other Gods, after all, I have his old buddy Loki hanging around. But he is very close to me).
In any relatonship you have to fit together. Even with your god, because this is a relationship you will spend a long time in. In Christianity they seem to rarely leave room for the idea that not everyone is going to fit with their god. I know as a pagan not everyone is going to fit with the gods I worship. It happens. My gods know this, after all, they are gods. They willlet you go if you're just that unhappy, and more than likely wish you luck on your journey (hell, so will I, I just want you to be happy). So why won't the christian religion give you that lee-way? What if you are unhappy? What if you get called by another god? What then? You go to hell? Why? Because your god gets ticked off? OK, that's just strange. Why doesn't your god understand that sometimes people won't be happy in one of his three religions?
This god calls people suddenly and won't let them go, like a very clingy teenager. I haven't talked to their god on a personal level, so I have no idea how much of this is the followers, but man it's strange.
So, I'll leave you with that for now. Gods call people in different ways. And they sometimes ask radically different thngs of their followers, and give different things in return. So why won't some religions recognise that there are different gods and different callings?
What I wanted to talk about now is the calling to a pagan god, and how it seems to differ from calling to Sky-daddy god (thanks tons of atheist blogs, I'm stealing that because it bugs me to call him "God" like he's the only one).
There are certain similarities to how certain pagan gods call you. Odin's followers are hounded for months by dreams, and have Odin show up over and over in quiz show answers and other random events. He's a god of warriors and kings and his approach is pretty much that of a warrior king. You will pay attention to him. There is no discussion.
Now, I belong to a subsect of paganism that believes that gods call you, you do not call them. You can try, but gods are kind of like cats, it won't always do you any good. If a god shows up on your life there is a reason, they want you to do something or your need is so great that it got their attention. So Odin shows up and shortly thereafter I do end up in a series of very trying situations that required me to be a lot stronger than I thought I could be. I needed to be a warrior, and I felt better with him at my back. That's what faith is after all.
So, here we have the idea that gods show up when you need them or when they want you to do something. You get the feeling of faith and such that religion gives you.
After you get called you learn about said God, how to worship said God, converse with them. It's a honeymoon period. Sometimes you realize that this god isn't for you, or sometimes the god just dumps you. It happens sometimes. Or you realize that it will be a short-term relationship. Some pagans god hope all over the place.
Compair this to the way sky-daddy gets followers. Fron what I keep reading these seems to be more of an ah-ha moment. One moment the person suddenly sees this god in their life. Just like that. After this very sudden discovery you go through the honeymoon period, but you are discouraged from saying "gee, you know I don't think this is the right god for me". In this case you have a whole other element you don't have in paganism, you have peer pressure. You have a whole bunch of other people who are telling you that this is the god for you, you're just not trying hard enough. Oddly enough some of these people like to compare their relationship with their god to a marriage. I'm suprisingly OK with this, I sometimes compare my relationship to Odin as a marriage (I joke that he's the only man in my life, though that is a lie even on the level of other Gods, after all, I have his old buddy Loki hanging around. But he is very close to me).
In any relatonship you have to fit together. Even with your god, because this is a relationship you will spend a long time in. In Christianity they seem to rarely leave room for the idea that not everyone is going to fit with their god. I know as a pagan not everyone is going to fit with the gods I worship. It happens. My gods know this, after all, they are gods. They willlet you go if you're just that unhappy, and more than likely wish you luck on your journey (hell, so will I, I just want you to be happy). So why won't the christian religion give you that lee-way? What if you are unhappy? What if you get called by another god? What then? You go to hell? Why? Because your god gets ticked off? OK, that's just strange. Why doesn't your god understand that sometimes people won't be happy in one of his three religions?
This god calls people suddenly and won't let them go, like a very clingy teenager. I haven't talked to their god on a personal level, so I have no idea how much of this is the followers, but man it's strange.
So, I'll leave you with that for now. Gods call people in different ways. And they sometimes ask radically different thngs of their followers, and give different things in return. So why won't some religions recognise that there are different gods and different callings?
Banning Barbie
So, it seems that a Vest Virginia law-maker wants to ban Barbie, citing that she teaches girls that you have to be beautiful rather than smart.
The kid has just gotten into Barbie. She play princess with them, it's cute and she has fun. All is good. It's like when she plays with her baby dolls to play family. Cute. She also dresses up like a pirate and wages war, so she has balanced play.
Since she is old enough to start noticing societal trends, my brother and I have started to enforce more positive images. Eat healthy foods, it's more important to be smart than pretty, etc.
We would have done this regardless of what the kid is playing with, because it's what familes do. They teach their kids how to be functioning adults. Barbie? Shouldn't be what is teaching your kid self-image. And banning Barbie won't really help the problem there.
If you want to address where girls are getting this image problem look at the two places that actually influence girls, even as young as mine. Family and media. There is a reason why she is allowed to watch Playhouse Disney and PBS and very little else. Because they don't portray women as either helpless or eye candy. In one show that the kid loves the girl saves the day by using math. While I hate the show (it's geared towards pre-schoolers. Math for pre-schoolers is really slow at times, and the kids can be kind of dense.) it's neat. So is my favorite show which features a girl who saves the day using vocabulary. Hee!
Only as a special treat can the kid watch shows like Hannah Montana or the like. Shows that feature vapid girls doing vapid things. But every day a lot of girls watch those shows and aspire to only be a rock star or a model. The kid's current dream is to be an astronaut. She's very serious about this and quizzed me this morning about space travel. She's four. I fear her sometimes. Heh.
In our house the emphasis is placed on intellegence not looks. It's placed on what you do in life, and we encourage her to do good things not because she should but because she can. I'm hoping that if I beat these things into her head when she encounters these girls in school she won't decide to put her dreams on hold to fit into their mold of pretty and popular. She won't just give up and be what all these girls have seen on TV and been told by their mothers they should be. If you really want to help these girls let me assure you it isn't all what they play with, it's what they are told. Tell them they can be anything. Encourage them, answer their questions, show them that they can do anything by following your dreams too. The media could lay off too. It's hard when the kid encounters one of those "I'm pretty so I don't have to be smart" girls. In my house we make fun of them. Not the best way, but I'm hoping she associates that level of dumb cunning with humiliation.
Anyway, banning Barbie won't help the actual problem of self image in our girls. And it irriates me that they will ban a doll rather than address the problem. That's not the way to fix things.
The kid has just gotten into Barbie. She play princess with them, it's cute and she has fun. All is good. It's like when she plays with her baby dolls to play family. Cute. She also dresses up like a pirate and wages war, so she has balanced play.
Since she is old enough to start noticing societal trends, my brother and I have started to enforce more positive images. Eat healthy foods, it's more important to be smart than pretty, etc.
We would have done this regardless of what the kid is playing with, because it's what familes do. They teach their kids how to be functioning adults. Barbie? Shouldn't be what is teaching your kid self-image. And banning Barbie won't really help the problem there.
If you want to address where girls are getting this image problem look at the two places that actually influence girls, even as young as mine. Family and media. There is a reason why she is allowed to watch Playhouse Disney and PBS and very little else. Because they don't portray women as either helpless or eye candy. In one show that the kid loves the girl saves the day by using math. While I hate the show (it's geared towards pre-schoolers. Math for pre-schoolers is really slow at times, and the kids can be kind of dense.) it's neat. So is my favorite show which features a girl who saves the day using vocabulary. Hee!
Only as a special treat can the kid watch shows like Hannah Montana or the like. Shows that feature vapid girls doing vapid things. But every day a lot of girls watch those shows and aspire to only be a rock star or a model. The kid's current dream is to be an astronaut. She's very serious about this and quizzed me this morning about space travel. She's four. I fear her sometimes. Heh.
In our house the emphasis is placed on intellegence not looks. It's placed on what you do in life, and we encourage her to do good things not because she should but because she can. I'm hoping that if I beat these things into her head when she encounters these girls in school she won't decide to put her dreams on hold to fit into their mold of pretty and popular. She won't just give up and be what all these girls have seen on TV and been told by their mothers they should be. If you really want to help these girls let me assure you it isn't all what they play with, it's what they are told. Tell them they can be anything. Encourage them, answer their questions, show them that they can do anything by following your dreams too. The media could lay off too. It's hard when the kid encounters one of those "I'm pretty so I don't have to be smart" girls. In my house we make fun of them. Not the best way, but I'm hoping she associates that level of dumb cunning with humiliation.
Anyway, banning Barbie won't help the actual problem of self image in our girls. And it irriates me that they will ban a doll rather than address the problem. That's not the way to fix things.
Monday, March 2, 2009
Dear Mother Nature
Seriously? Are you kidding me? A nor'easter, huh?
I'm currently looking outside at 9-10 inches of snow (despite my "local" weather forcasters assuring me I only have 7. I measured, people. I know). The snow has been blowing sideways for a good long while now. Yay!
I ended up not making it into work today no matter what I tried. It was all a big fat mess. There is now so much snow outside that I can't go anywhere. And after the snow stops? Wind! Yay!
I live on the top of a ridge in a new development. There are no trees to speak of, so nothing to break the wind when it comes. My power goes out just due to wind on a regular basis. It kind of sucks (Oh and by the way PPL, thanks for getting my power on within three hours on Sunday. Nothing I like more than a lazy Sunday morning without heat. You guys driving around the neighborhood aimlessly was really awesome. You looked lost).
So yeah, Mother Nature? I like you. We get on well for the most part. But I don't know why you sometimes decide to dump a shitload of snow on us. Sometimes, you suck Mom.
I'm currently looking outside at 9-10 inches of snow (despite my "local" weather forcasters assuring me I only have 7. I measured, people. I know). The snow has been blowing sideways for a good long while now. Yay!
I ended up not making it into work today no matter what I tried. It was all a big fat mess. There is now so much snow outside that I can't go anywhere. And after the snow stops? Wind! Yay!
I live on the top of a ridge in a new development. There are no trees to speak of, so nothing to break the wind when it comes. My power goes out just due to wind on a regular basis. It kind of sucks (Oh and by the way PPL, thanks for getting my power on within three hours on Sunday. Nothing I like more than a lazy Sunday morning without heat. You guys driving around the neighborhood aimlessly was really awesome. You looked lost).
So yeah, Mother Nature? I like you. We get on well for the most part. But I don't know why you sometimes decide to dump a shitload of snow on us. Sometimes, you suck Mom.
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