Wednesday, February 11, 2009

Gender sterotypes

I've been engaging in a discussion with some gay hater type, and we just touched on the subject of gender sterotypes (that a man and woman bring separate things into a marriage because of their gender, which... duh. But sadly he's talking about the more "traditional" gender roles.)
I'm not a big fan of gender sterotypes. I'm a rather... well... male woman. I work in a male dominated field, in my house I hold the traditional male role of breadwinner/disciplinarian. I am the woman who "deals with it" rather than break down. I have typical male problems in expressing my feelings. Before my brother moved in I handled the female roles of cooking, cleaning, etc, but it wasn't great. I can do those things, I'd just rather not. I'm the woman who needs a wife, not a husband, and thus tends to be single because of the lack of men willing to take that role.
According to gender sterotypes I shouldn't be any of these things. Hell, I shouldn't have left my ex husband, because no matter how bad marriage is it's where a woman feels best. Right? Yeah, OK, whatever.
In the last few decades we have exprienced a departure from traditional views of what men and women should do, but in certain ways the sterotype continues. I've worked it two male dominated fields now, computers in the mid to late 90's and transportation. When you work in a male dominated field, and you happen to be a woman, you get blown off. Just like when you're a man in a female dominated field you get belittled (ask a male nurse sometime about his career. I bet it's full of people putting him down).
The people who belittle you if you work in a field outside of your gender are unable to fathom that a woman like me, who has a mostly male personality, even exists. Which is why they don't understand the dynamic of a gay relationship (see, I did have a point!)
These people don't understand that just like in a heterosexual marriage the gay marriage has a male and female element, but it happens on a deeper emotional level, rather than a surface level. They see two men or women together and assume that both have the same set of emotions and values which would be "typical" to their gender. They don't see that one of those men is more feminine than his partner, taking on that nurturing role in the relationship, and one woman is more masculine, taking on the colder and more "deal with it" role in the relationship. Give those couples a child and they will raise that child within the same set of emotional roles you would get in a straight family, just the outside appearance would be different. Which in turn would teach said child that outside appearance isn't a clue as to how a person acts. A valuable lesson there.
Maybe these people need to actually see a homosexual couple in order to see how traditional gender roles translate into a same sex relationship.

Disclaimer: Despite what I have mentioned up there I am not actually looking for a wife, male or female. Being single agrees with me, and frankly my personality doesn't allow for supporting another person unless it is the kid. I have no time for another person's emotional baggage. See? So terribly male.


  1. Wow! You are a guy! Except that you're not . . . no matter how stereotypically "male" you act, you're still female. According to Euripides (it was him, wasn't it? you weren't attempting to debate the hateful aussie, were you?) if a man is the slightest bit sensitive, or just doesn't scratch his balls and fart in public, he isn't man. It doesn't matter what genitalia or chromosomal setup he has.

    I always wonder, what would these people do when confronted with some of the more unusual genders: XXX, XYY, XXY? What about literal hermaphrodites? What about people who have a vagina, but not uterus and testes instead of ovaries. The mind boggles.

    I am a secretary (stereotypically female), and outwardly girly-girl, but I like power tools, guns and video games. I can't cook, I like violent movies and no, I don't want to talk about my feelings.

    Do I still get to keep half of my vagina?

  2. I can totally relate. I have been told that I am the closest thing to a guy without being one. I still hold my femininity, but my husband does the laundry, dishes and extra stuff for the kids. I am totally fine with that.

    As far as the gay couples, I counsel a gay couple who are adopting a boy. They definitely have two distinct personalities which contribute very nicely to rearing this child. They are my favorite clients. We have a blast.

    Shame on all the narrow minded thinkers.

  3. Awesome! We're both guys! LOL. The best part about working with Habitat for Humanity was learning to love power tools.
    I honestly think that these people are so far removed from science that the idea of people having different genders is beyond them. These people attacked me for having the gall to point out that men sometimes act like women for God's sake. It was awesome.

  4. Hi Reality Therapist!
    I think it's also a shame that these narrow thinkers will never see past their own ideas to experience new ones. They are too sure they know the truth.


All comments are now not moderated. Have at it folks! Don't make me regret it.