Wednesday, March 25, 2009

Self indulgent crap...

Please excuse this small rant, but man, I really would love to get this off my chest...

The week before the ex has the kid is really kind of hard for me. I worry about my little one.
You see, the ex spent most of the time that we were together telling me about how he was bi-polar, had depression, had this problem, that problem, anger problems (and one hell of an attitude problem which seems to be the one actual problem he has). I worry that something will happen to her. Not that he'll hurt her on purpose, but that he'll just stop watching her. Every time he has her I wait all day for the phone call where he tells me she's been hit by a car, or ate soy, or had some kind of accident through inattention, and she's in the hospital or dead. Every time he drops her off he complains to me how tired he is from keeping up with her, how hard it is. She's four! Of course t's hard. If only I had her energy.
Maybe he's having second thoughts now that he's expected to watch her himself. Maybe he's realized that when I brought her down before I watched her and he socialized and played dad when it suited him. I don't know.
All I know is I dread Saturdays. And when he starts taking her overnight I may have some kind of real breakdown.

Right, done now. Move along...


  1. Oh, I feel for you.

    When neice's bio dad had unsupervised visits with her, I was a basket case. (The guys been to prison, twice, for attempted murder! Clearly, he's got anger management issues, and children are maddening!

    Before she would go, I would make certain she knew my cell phone number, and then the entire time she was gone, I would check my phone ever 2 seconds to see if I missed a call. I would wake up every 10 minutes, convinced I had missed a call. When my phone would ring, I was convinced it was the police, calling to say that she was dead. Then, when she would get home, it was "bath time" so I could strip her and check her for bruises.

    I am SO glad he is in prison again.

  2. Heh, I do that too. And then I grill her, who did you see, what did you do, who fed you (the kid is allergic to soy and ex's gf is a vegan. It's written into the custody order that she can't feed the kid at all), etc. I want to trust that he isn't going to hurt her, but most of me is just waiting for the bad news, for him to screw up.

  3. Do you think he'll lost interest now that the custody thing is over? That might be for the best.

    Is your kid old enough to understand about soy, and read packages before eating, or ask what's in something? I sympathize with this because Splenda makes me feel like I have live weasels trying to eat their way out of my abdomen, and I still sometimes end up eating it accidentally.

  4. No, she's only 4, so she doesn't understand not eating things. She's got the idea that she can't go around touching any old thing, but not eating things is a harder concept.
    God I wish he would lose interest. I really would. He disappeared for a while and it was great. All the behavior problems I had with her went away, she was happy and not at all stressed out, and it was great. Then that all went to hell.


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